Name

Biography

Pokemon They Most Resemble

Malcolm is actually the second of the Wardlaw clan to take up residence at Freedom House, being preceded by his sister Margaret.  (No, not that Margaret)  Malcolm has just made the biggest mistake of his life.  He has come back to UT to get a Ph.D. in finance.  What the hell was he thinking?  He wasn’t.  He is clinically insane.  In summary Malcolm is tall and shares a secret love with beer that the world will never understand.

Malcolm Wardlaw

Meowth

Milton is the “Crazy Californian Maintenance Man” that lives in the secret annex of the annex.  You can spot Milton by the sunlight radiating from his bare back, or by the bucket he is forever carrying as he tries in vain to capture the rabid opossum that roams through the deep forrest of the French house and now haunts his dreams.  He is famous for his mad cooking skills and his passion for red wine (that comes in gallon jugs).  Milton is, as it was, ‘The Sh*t.’

(The editor apologizes for the profanity of the biographer.  She may me mentally unstable.)

Milton Wong

Bulbasaur

Hi, I’m Shawn, I’m really lazy and don’t know how to do my job!  (Shawn prances around like a village idiot)

Shawn Edelstein

Mew

For so said the Archbishop Anselm of Canterbury in his Proslogion :

Who then are you, Celeste, you than whom nothing greater can be thought?  But who are you save that supreme being, who has made French House the haven that it has been and continues to be?  For whomever has not done this is less than that who can be thought of; but this cannot be thought about you.  What goodness, then, could be wanting to you, you through whom every good exists?  Thus you are just, truthful, happy, a champion pentathlete, and whatever it is better to be than not to be - for it is better to be just, rather than unjust, happy,rather than unhappy, and a champion at the pentathlon, rather than only swimming, only running, only pistol shooting, only epee fencing, or only equestrian show jumping, and not all five events together.

(The editor apologizes for the Archbishop.  He is somewhat of a windbag.)

Celeste Rogers

Psyduck

Sucks.

Melissa McWilliams

Charizard

Shinya likes black coffee and enjoys wide open spaces of less than 150 million persons per square mile.  In the future, you can find Shinya as a professor at an American University.  In the mean time, he us perfecting his “r”s and “l”s and enjoying the amenities that the fine French House has to offer.  Shinya’s limitless talents range from arranging newspapers by category to the complete mastery of space and time.  Before he dies he would like to eat a really good meal.  Apparently the food stateside really sucks.

Sinya Wakao

Abra

Words cannot express the quiet dignity that is Alexander Moffett. A humble but brilliant student of life and the universe, Alex imbues French House with a stately grace it would not otherwise deserve. Do not be concerned that the citizens of French House overlook his subtle beauty. Au contraire, he is the object of numerous crushes and one secret admirer, an individual so smitten with Alex and all he represents that he/she cannot resist the urge to stuff his mailbox with flowers, pineapples, and other expressions of heartfelt affection.

Alex Moffet

Pikachu

Tim resides in a special room known as The Duck's Foot just off the front porch.  Often seen crossing the French House commons in nothing more than  towel, Tim is a Spanish major who enjoys good laughs and good times. He also serves as our trusty financial officer, and helps keep French house out of the red.

Tim is also a worthless bio writer

Tim Tippet

Snorlax

Sucks really bad.

Josh Nunn

Diglett

Waitin for Godot.

C.J. Leedy

Gengar

Patrick King, an Art major from New Braunfels, Texas is twenty years old.  Seventeen years ago (at the age of three), Patrick invented the silicon transistor and has become a reclusive billionaire.  Paradoxically, however, Patrick is also unrivaled as the French House King of "Dance Dance Revolution."  Patrick can most frequently be found drawing, conceiving of new things to draw, and collecting accolades for his drawings.  When he is not drawing, Patrick expresses his irreverent personality with a dry and quick-witted sense of humor, loved by all.

Patrick King

Zubat

Has a biographer who sucks, but is not so bad, all things considered.

Austin Mulloy

Dewgong

Marshall Welch is the latest addition to the eclectic French House crew. His numerous (and sometimes lengthy) stories of life experiences never cease to entertain and enlighten, and is always willing to share his experiences and wisdom. He is working on his latest degree in computer science, though he has completed several bachelor's already, and is also a fully certified attorney in the State of Texas. Much like the other denizens of French House, his outgoing personality contributes to the overall feeling of family and community, and is always willing to hear people out in a discussion.

Marshall Welsh

Primeape

Lindsey Griffin, who shares a room with her dear friend Emily, is the baby of French House.  At just 19, she brings a much appreciated playful innocence to the community at large.  Her laugh, which will remind you of all there is to smile about, is the envy of all the songbirds in the neighborhood.  If you catch her in the right kind of light and squint ever so slightly, you’ll have the fortunate opportunity to see the two golden wings that spring from her back.  In addition, Lindsey is also an inhuman cyborg killing machine brought back from the future for one purpose... ...to destroy us all!  Good old Lindsey.

Lindsey Griffin

Clefairy

The victim of a cruel, cruel person who utterly and completely failed when the world needed them most.  I pine for Emily.

Emily Underiner

Jigglypuff

Franke : Hey, so how about that bio?

Franke’s Biographer : Hi, I’m a big jerk who can’t find 10 minutes to write your bio.  I suck beyond all reason.

Franke Smith

Polywhirl

The taller of the two Miller brothers, Andrew Miller is an easy-going Theology scholar with a secret penchant for doom.  He enjoys bike-rides through meadows with John Mayer whispering in the background, while tearing it up BMX style.  Knock in room #10 in the Annex, where it’s always Miller-Time...  ...OF DOOM!!!!

Andrew Miller

Hitmonlee

Brandt’s Super-Hero alter ego “Little Hobbito” reaveals much about his true nature, a quiet, yet volatile little hobbit who will some day save the world from lack of bridges, curbs, gutters, and drainage sumps by using his civil engineering degree... ...TO THE EXTREME!  In summation, Brandt is a hater of physics and thinks Canadian chicks are hot.

Brandt Miller

Hitmonchan

(Editor’s note: In the interest of completeness, the following bio has been presented, unedited.  You’ll have time to hate me later.)

Margaret Cote is as energetic and exuberant as her fiery red mane would indicate. Growing up in the hometown of Stephen King, this live wire of a girl from Maine came to Texas to escape the plague of werewolves and general creepiness against which she threw the bolt to her front door every night. However, once here, she missed the         Nor’ East so desperately she now insists that her mother send a cardboard refrigerator box full of autumnal Maine leaves to her Austin address every fall to frolic in. Her enthusiasm for this endearing loyalty to a part of the country some Frenchies have referred to in disgusted mutters as ‘the cold armpit of the nation’ is matched only for her love of German. It is in this severe language which she majors. She also double majors in French (no joke, her brain is giant and wrinkly), but her disinterest in the most romantic of languages is reflected clearly by her lack of concern regarding the specifics of romance in general. This is not to say that she is not a sweet piece. Far from. Her snapping blue eyes and boom-boom body deserve their own burlesque soundtrack that includes both liberal use of the bass drum and heavy doses of sassy trumpet. Her legion of admirers wait patiently till she finishes weaving the tapestry as she waits for just the right man. Until she finds him though, she picks freely from the best-looking suitors. Or the ones with British accents. That really lights her fire. Her zest for life and carefree attitude may best be illustrated by her culinary prowess and process. While the Almighty created dry land and vegetation on the third day, equal awe (and trepidation it must be noted) is reserved for what emerges from the kitchen Wednesdays at French House, for it is this day that Margaret cooks with Milton. The procedure for feeding the rest of the house is thus:

Milton : What’s on the menu and where are the recipes?

Margaret : What’s a menu? What’s a recipe? Here, cook this. (She hands Milton an exotic form of vegetable only recently discovered by Western botanists)

Milton : What is this?

Margaret : I don’t know, but once it’s in the pot, it’s dinner.

Milton : How do we cook this?

Margaret : (She reaches blindly behind her, hand scrabbling along the spice shelf, eyes still fixed straight ahead. Her fingers close on a mysterious jar which she lofts to Milton) Cook it with this. Why is my glass of wine empty and where’s the music? (She scampers off to quickly make a mix CD and search for more vino).

Unbelievably, dinner cooked with the same mindset and spasticness as a crack-addled lemur performing open-heart surgery turns out wonderfully delicious – a chef d’oeuvre that would make Julia Child jump up and take notice (Ms. Child being dead is both a testament to Margaret’s talent and also horribly inappropriate). Margaret’s abilities and contagious love of life know no bounds and are unfettered by the laws of nature, man, or good taste. Margaret frequently laments, with no trace of irony, ‘I suck at life!’ No, Margaret Cote, no; it is life that would suck without you.

Margaret Cote

Slowbro

I’m dead.

Agnes Chu

Doduo